I hate writing bios in the first person, because they have too many "I's", and the Good Book says "If the "I" offends thee, pluck it out". (Okay, okay I misquoted. Can't get into much more trouble than I'm in already.) But if I wrote bios in the third person, I'd feel schizophrenic. (Okay, *more* schizophrenic.)

So: I was born in Brooklyn - you got a problem with that? (Um, sorry. Force of habit.)

From dear old Brooklyn I progressed (?) to Manhattan (though unfortunately not Woody Allen's Manhattan), and other mythical places like Cincinnati, Ohio (where time flitted by at the pace of an especially slow glacier), and then Los Angeles (where I single-handedly founded the L A Times) (kidding, kidding - just wanted to see if anyone was paying attention), then Salt Lake City, where I was ordained a minister for a very unusual Christian group made of every age range, race, and background imaginable. We worked among kids with drug or family problems, and homeless people.

From there it was back to Los Angeles (the Ash Tray of California). And here I've stayed, with the exception of travels to Canada and Mexico. Poor Canada and Mexico remind me of a set of unassuming neighbors stuck living on either side of the Neighbor From Hell: the noisy, bragging, boisterous, squabbling, Jerry Springer-watching, toss-our-beer-cans-and-toxic-waste-over-the-neighbors'-fence-trailer-trash-style U S of A.

Although I've written humor and horror fiction for years, I had little time to market it seriously, until big loud-voiced doctors with fists like holiday hams insisted I slow down or prematurely meet my Employer. So I tried to slow down, and was able to make the transition to writing and marketing my work full time, though I've only been doing that online for about ten months now. A number of my short story collections and humor collections are becoming available online through epublishers, and the second (print) children's book (co-written with Ann Garrett, author of Keeper Of The Swamp) is due out next summer. (We're contracted to do several more children's books so Ssshhh - don't tell Dutton about my horror stories! Or my addiction to parentheses!)

For years I'd been editing other people's stories and novels, and am now launching myself out onto the waters (in a leaky boat) of doing actual Editing For Hire. (Doing more detailed editing and proofing than I do on the AFO posted stories because these are mostly aimed for publication.)

I've written scripts for production in some Los Angeles theatres, directed short horror films for a direct-to-video anthology, and a short called "Homeboy", about gang violence. This one's being used in Juvenile Hall facilities to get discussions going among gang members.

And I do film script doctoring. (Yes, that's right: "Turn your page and cough!".)

After stumbling into AFO (there are *good* things about being a klutz), I've increasingly enjoyed critiquing the work of newer but serious writers, and have grown very fond of the people who, whether they write professionally or just for pleasure, have helped me to continually rediscover why I love writing and writers so much.

I have no answer (well, no *satisfactory* answer) for people who ask me "How could you have been a minister, and still write those twisted satires and horror stories?"

Just lucky, I guess.